We live in a season of immense worry and stress. And life has been turned on its head with the Corona Virus. For a time any way.
So many of the conversations in the public square and on social media are about it. Community and family life is dominated chiefly by its narrative. Its difficult to escape it. Our lives change. On a daily basis. Over our morning coffee. The newspaper or screen discloses the last instalment of the impact of coronavirus. And we expect to hear strange or dramatic things each and every day. Every day appears to be a media frenzy day. We can all remember those days when there was no news. And trivia or some type of infighting politically had to be exaggerated to make a headline. I wished for something a bit more exciting. As they say, be careful what you wish for.
Our worries as a nation are based on the realities of the Corona virus. Its impact on our national health, the realities of a recession, the damage done to the ASX, the awful unemployment figures, as well as the impact on households of their superannuation and wealth being being crueled . We have barely recovered from the bushfires. It’s been a painful 4 months in Australia. It has been immensely sobering. The political themes that have occupied the media and conversations for the last 2 years in particular, appear to have abated. Nothing else seems to matter right now.
From Inwit’s perspective and working a lot in mental health or family disruption, this layer of pestilence will obviously another layer of misery to many Australians young and old. Dark issues, of the mental health variety, that have been dormant will begin to emerge in the next cycles of time through this Corona episode.
Popular psychology books abound along with a plethora of downloads in the digital space and glossy magazines. I would go as far to say that the last 40 years have been decades of psychological introspection. That movement converges with another generational theme of economic affluence and time rich orientation towards self focussed exploration. There has been a lot of affluence where there has been a lot of financial discretionary spending. I also think that very affluence has created space and time and leisure for discretionary self exploration. This self exploration unfortunately doesn’t really provide much assistance or coping strategies in times of crisis. The mental health movements of the past 40 years have been about people curved in on themselves. One reality about this virus is that it is very sobering. It does have the ability to shake us out of complacency and any ephemeral journeys of the pondering psychological or meditative sort.
This blog is in two parts. It was in preparation for a short seminar requested on the subject of good mental health in workplace settings, 12 months ago , when the Corona Virus was presumably hiding in some odd intestine in a equally obscure animal somewhere in the northern Hemisphere.
I have edited it to present a number of platforms that I think will be helpful principles in maintaining a reasonable and practical mental health outlook on the way through this current endurance, with the disease and the threats it brings.
My knowledge on living and working through life in a crisis comes out of a lot of counselling over many years. It comes from clinical reflection and hearing thousands of cases in years past. It comes from clinical supervision where I’ve listened or had conversations with numerous peers around their cases. It comes out of working in critical episodes for many years. My reflections come from listening to clients and trying to understand from them what works and what doesn’t work.
Most of all it comes from listening to people wiser than myself. This exercise is not meant to be exhaustive. It’s certainly not about the author being the one with the answers. On the other hand I don’t wish to say that decades of work in this arena leave me with no opinions.
I find myself frustrated with a lot of the material in the Mental Health space, not because it is necessarily misleading, nor has wrong intent. My issue with it is that it cannot be translated into practical actions or real life without sounding rather plastic or removed from people or sometimes even mystical and rather deep. A lot of psychology or therapy can also be about making the mental health professional the hero or heroine who delivers the hidden knowledge about how to do life well. Wisdom in itself is obvious. It’s not hidden away so some psychological guru or silver tongued therapist can pronounce it in hushed earnest tones. Wisdom does stand on the corner in full view and shouts.. At times like this where their are real social and existential threats to existence, we require wisdom for life..
If you go to a responsible and usually government or non government sponsored mental health site, they will give you some useful life hints about good mental health. Conversely they also step lightly around saying direct or strong things that might upset political sensitivities.
They are worth paying attention to. They inevitably include.
Sleeping well and getting enough rest. Getting 7-8 hours in a normal day makes good sense.
Eating well and sensibly by consuming lots of veggies fruit and protein. Avoiding carbs and sugars and processed food along with exercise will make a big impact on how you feel about yourself.
Being cautious about how much alcohol or non-prescribed medications or illegal drugs you consume.
Building strategies around life and coping with your inner life and with relationships with others. Consequently, the sites will talk about relaxation techniques -talking with friends-self talk –relaxation –breathing techniques-not personalising issues –resolving conflicts.
Being socially involved and involved with groups or in your community and being kind to others.
Being assertive and learning to ask for things or to say NO.
I think that’s a reasonable and basic summary of some of the useful offerings made in the mental health space.
I want to reflect on some collected responses from people I have worked with. And observations I’ve made around the deliberate thoughts and actions and behaviours of those , who seem to have navigated this stormy sea of life wisely. I think they will serve as useful principles in navigating this time during the Corona Virus Pandemic. They are life principles that have stood tests through centuries.
Life is going to be hard and even brutal and we have to accept that. Bad things happen to good people. This virus seems to suggest that. Worse still, good things can happen to bad people. We cannot have an expectation that life should or must or has to be peaceable or safe or predictable. We cannot expect that any of us are entitled to an easy ride. Believing this will put us in a fragile place. Refuse to accept any invitation to be a guest at the offered smorgasbord of pity or victimhood. Life in Australia at least is highly likely to return to a stable affluent normal. For the time being we need to be patient and accept that it will be tough.
Paradoxically to see life as nothing but a series of crisis, surrendering to all that happens is hopeless. Capitulating to life events such as this virus or the crushing waves of pessimism or financial harm is unhelpful. The attitude that adopts a world view of “different day, same crap” or even a cynicism around hope or recovery is nihilistic and self centred and death seeking. It negates my responsibility to other people or others depending on me doing my part in life. Take responsibility. Choose to act as a grown up. Lift a load in your life.
In life and work and with family and friends you need a plan. Especially in a national crisis like this. We cannot just turn up to life or relationships or work and see what happens next or seek out what feels good and arbitrarily float along. Or even wait for government to instruct us at times like this. Be sensible by all means. But keep active in planning and doing good. Life will be wasted and your own mental health will begin to suffer and become loose. In a time of disorientation like this, know what you need to do. With family. With those who depend on you. And with work. And in the broader Australian community. In each of those crucial areas, have a plan. It may be be 2 or 3 things that are essential. Lock them in, and get on with it.
At some level at home or with children or at work or in community you will have the responsibility for exercising maturity and leadership. Be aware that people will actually be hyper vigilant at a time like this. Children, and adults, have inbuilt radars. At this time you will need to be aware that people will look to you for those indicators which say ” be calm lets get on with life.” if people need encouragement or need a friendly word do it. If people need you to assert hope or speak some useful affirmation, do it. Make it brief, in few words, without a lengthy sermon.
Don’t make a habit of thinking aloud and especially worrying aloud. In times like this friends, family, leaders, are likely to be under pressure and things can be said that should have been kept for another time or not said at all. Accept that some people will be very worried. Also some people will have a very calm approach to the virus. Refuse to ruminate forever on the subject . You may even want to give the media and screen a break. As much as possible get on with the normal. I suspect that normal every day activities and rituals like walking the dog, saying hello to the neighbours, mowing the lawns, riding your bike with mates , will be really important message’s in their garden gnome normality.
As far as alcohol is concerned, particularly in times like this , be careful how you use it. If it depresses you or makes you angry. Or you find yourself worrying excessively or in the past has ever compromised your safety or others around you, it might be worth making some personal rules. Rules such as how much, what circumstance, and with who will I drink. I’ve even read about Wellness programs in the current Corona virus regime, where some suggest social distancing, and to have Friday drinks electronically. I just think it’s far too stupid a thing in Australian culture to booze on. Especially when we need to have our wits about us.
Also you don’t have to be saccharine and optimistic at times of crisis nor jaundiced and pessimistic and cynical. Be real and be civil. And if possible be polite. Concentrate on listening and understanding what people are worried about rather than being agreeable. In times like this don’t feed the pessimism of other people by being agreeable with their gloom.
We live in a fragmented postmodern world with pluralistic belief systems. The broad cultural consensus in Australia is believe everything as someone else’s truth. In the same breath, it is believed that nothing can be accepted as absolute truth. I like the saying “if you stand for nothing – you will fall for anything”. Holding a position and knowing why you hold it is important to your mental health. The bottom line I would suggest is don’t be tossed around by every strange theory or sift through thousands of news releases or opinions. It means you won’t be tossed around by every new idea or thought bubble that comes your way in a time of crisis like this.
Never make decisions or choices or part with cash or your income or relationships in a time like this or any other crisis. This time will really test some relationships. Never make big decisions or choices when you're angry or get the flu or are overly happy or sad. Step away. Settle your thoughts with people you can trust. Return to the matter with a clear plan and head. Remember, that this is not the Black Death. If you get the flu, it is highly probable you will recover. Big life decisions can be deferred until we all get through this.
Family and friendships really matter. Choosing to invest time and maintain friendships is important. Especially in a season like this one. Show the initiative in reaching out. The government urges social isolation. That should not stop you picking up your phone and making contact with people. At times like this keeping the wheels of friendship well oiled is important. You take the initiative - and don’t wait for others. Isolation and self pity will be the winners if you fail to reach out to people at this time.
Don’t live life as if its an emergency. Even in the current circumstances. Let others brawl over toilet paper. Be aware of the language that others use around you. People urging you to believe that some life event or situation is dramatic or life changing for ever. As strange as it is to say now, this will be a memory in years to come. It will come with bruises ,but it will be a memory. We all need thinking time and time to sort things. Its never a wise thing to rely or trust your emotions alone. Feelings are important. None of us are robots. They should not be discounted. However emotions are always the trailer attached to the vehicle.
Imagination and what you dwell on becomes part of your reality. Imaginary dialogues in our heads with imaginary audiences from the past or the future might be the stuff of avoidance and anger and time wasting. Rumination about ruin and destruction and chaos will produce fragility and vulnerability. But it will paralyse action and create fears about the future and it will distort relationships in the present. Such exercises will consume time and will make you poor. When things are critical it can be a human trait to go into imaginary worlds or have dialogues in ones head. Its the stuff of avoidance and it can be very numbing and waste a lot of work time and leisure time.
Avoid the company at a time like this of the perpetually anxious , and the pessimistic and the the addicted and cynical. No matter how sophisticated or articulate or well presented they are. Keep away from them and their social company. Your time matters along with your families and friends. The company you keep and the people you mix with does have an affect on your behaviour and outcomes. The loud voices around us can influence how we orientate to the world. The loud voices of despair and panic and darkness at a time like this, destroy hope.
We need to act our age and accept that our age gives experience and knowledge. It requires us to behave according to life’s time clock. Those who are older need to affirm the experience of age. And they need to calm those who are younger. In a crisis we need need mature people. Not people, who want to avoid or anaesthetise themselves from the realities. Maturity and actively behaving like a grown up matters. As an aside acting our age and being appropriate to our age will save us a lot of grief and shame. Seriously consider a response that is age appropriate and mature. Younger people should be the recipients of wisdom and experience and even a sense of history. The old can remind those around them that we have been here before. Those who are older know history.
Loneliness and the imposed social isolation is scary for some quite understandably. Its also the fear of boredom and what happens in that space I suspect. Boredoms expression is an expectation and belief that I am entitled to be entertained by life and be continually happy. This virus challenges that. Just remember that isolation and loneliness puts people in very emotionally vulnerable spaces where they can make dangerous decisions. Loneliness is fed by self rumination and then a subtle graduated cutting off from being concerned about others. Loneliness is also life without a plan. Be safe in quarantining yourself from possible infection or giving it to others. But at this time reach out to people on the phone or via screen and be deliberate about making a difference to other peoples lives.
If you're in a crisis don’t think out loud. You won’t be thinking aloud anyway. You will be translating your fears and anxieties into words so that others can hear them or even make you feel better. In a crisis take some deep breaths, slow your walking gait down,slow your speech down and and say what needs to be said. In a crisis get on with the things you're trained to do and what your role requires you to do.
