practical mental health tips.
We live in a psychological age, with mental health dominating public conversation. Some of this is valuable; some of it encourages narcissism.
Glossy magazines and social media are inherently self-focused, placing the individual at the centre of their own universe. In doing so, they often promote narcissism and a form of psychology that treats relationships as expendable in the pursuit of personal identity.
Victimhood and identifying with marginalized categories have also become forms of social currency in this present age.
Much of the public conversation centres on how we should think or feel, reinforced by a steady stream of popular psychology books and articles.
I would argue that the past forty years have been defined by mental health awareness. Combined with economic affluence and the luxury of time for self-exploration, this has fostered an intense inward focus. Too often, people disappear into the dark recesses of their own minds, armed with an ever-expanding vocabulary of self-care but little hope of finding their way out.
Traditional Advice
My knowledge of this subject has been shaped by years of counselling, clinical reflection, and listening to thousands of people. It has been refined through clinical supervision with colleagues, writing training materials on behavioural therapy, and, above all, paying attention to what clients themselves say works—and what doesn't. It has also been shaped by learning from people wiser than myself.
I find myself frustrated with a lot of the material in the Mental Health space. Not because it is necessarily wrong or ill-intentioned, but because so much of it cannot be translated into practical, everyday life without sounding artificial. At times, it also casts the mental health professional as the hero with hidden wisdom, when much of what is presented is, in reality, common sense.
Visit a reputable, well-funded mental health website and you will find useful advice for maintaining good mental health. Conversely, these websites step lightly around saying direct or strong things that might upset political sensitivities.
These useful mental health tips are worth paying attention to. They inevitably include:
• Sleeping well and getting enough rest. Getting 7-8 hours in a normal day makes good sense.
• Eating well by consuming lots of veggies fruit and protein. Lowering carbs, sugars and processed food along with exercise will make a big impact on how you feel about yourself.
• Being cautious about how much alcohol, non-prescribed medications or illegal drugs you consume.
• Building strategies around life, coping with your inner life and with relationships with others. Consequently, the professionals will talk about relaxation techniques, talking with friends, self-talk, breathing techniques, not personalising issues, resolving conflicts etc.
• Being socially involved with groups or in your community and being kind to others.
• Being assertive and learning to ask for things or to say NO.
Some Other Thoughts
To delve deeper, I want to reflect on some collected responses from people I have worked with, and my observations of the thoughts, habits and attitudes that enable some people to navigate life's storms with remarkable wisdom.
Who?
I look at who is it that I can counselling? Who are they?
I’m analyzing and I try to establish:
1. The theology of someone & how they do/don’t see their place in the world
2. This instructs and informs their anthropology of the world
3. This also instructs their cosmology or world-view
What?
What are some of the Mental Health Issues inwit sees?
• Grief
• Trauma
• High Anxiety
• Low-level nervous anxiety
• Stress
• Depression
• Low-level sadness with life hopelessness
• Suicide & Suicidal Ideation
• Relationship Issues
• Higher marital disruption & divorce
• Affairs
• Couples & Throuples swapping
• Blended families
• Extra-familial duties with aging matters
• Overwhelm
• Confused sexuality
• Transgender issues
• Confusion of politics and world views
• Stuck adolescence
• Generational differences
• Digital illiteracy and unemployment
• Loneliness and isolation
• Children’s Disabilities and neurological issues
• Psychosis
• Personality Disorders
• Family financial despair
• Mortgage stress
• Inflationary pressures
• Aging population
• Phobias
• Children’s Disabilities and neurological issues
• Family financial despair
• Mortgage stress
• Inflationary pressures
• Aging population
• Battling the Past
• Shame
• Physical Pain
• Addictions including:
• Media & Social media
• Doomscrolling
• Pornography
• Alcohol
• Tabacco & vaping
• Drugs incl Cocaine, cannabis, Ice
Why?
Becoming familiar with these wisdoms deepens our understanding of why we are the way we are.
Family
In the Mental Health space, it is essential to understand a person’s family dynamics and relationships, not just their individual psychology.
• Family impacts how we look at the world and relationships
• The importance of family
• The impact that stories make in growing up
• How that can impact us even in the present
• We look at the world from 4 perspectives when we listen to people:
1. Psychological/cognitive
2. Emotional impact
3. Behavioural responses
4. Physiological responses
• We consciously and subconsciously look at ourselves too in this way.
• Families produce patterns of strengths & challenges.
• Families contain secrets & instructions about how to deal with stress & painful things in life
• Some of those things come back to impact or make us resilient.
There are a whole range of things that challenge us in life…
Gender Issues – men and women
4 things that emerge when talking with women
1. Being listened to & not being instructed
2. Being noticed and being loved
3. That they are significant
4. Their need for security
3 things that emerge when talking with men
1. Respect and honour
2. Being recognized vocationally
3. Having dignity
Anxiety
Anxiety is the rumination or brewing of thoughts and monologues in our mind about what may harm or destroy us. It can be:
• Listening to the voices inside our heads which can distract us for hours and feeding it
• Majoring on minors and mining on majors
• Disregarding our competencies and gifts and comparing with others
Martin Luther talked about being ‘curved in upon ourselves’ (‘Incurvatus in se’). Luther was saying it is a dangerous thing for people to wrap themselves in their own misfortune or sink into their own thoughts. His antidote was to look outwardly to the promises of Christ. This is echoed in humanistic psychology, but in the light of Christ, human psychology can only be a dull series of advice.
Depression
Depression or general sadness can vary in individuals.
• It ranges from: clinical depression - very dark and easily diagnosed, to mild and functional depression – harder to recognize.
Depression at its worst can be quite debilitating. Anxiety is looking forward; depression is looking back.
Possible ways ahead after anxiety or depression
• Rehearsal: being aware of who & what you are rehearsing for in your rehearsing.
• Is it real or is it unreal?
• Rumination: identifying the prompts that require you to dwell for minutes or even hours in that space.
• Monologues: identifying the predictable themes & the spider webs they produce, and the rabbit burrows they lead us down.
• A Voice: recognising the voice that has been forever in our heads from old, old scripts.
• Breathing: Don’t forget to breathe!
• Muscles: Both brace and relax muscles.
• Red zones: Being aware of what circumstances and/or people that push your buttons.
• What’s essential & what’s not? What do you need to do today and what can wait for another time?
• Avoidance: Be aware of the things we want to escape from, but we mustn’t.
• Being active really matters.
• Sticking to our vocation and what we are good at, and being content in that
Other Mental Health Thoughts to Reflect On
Life isn’t neat.
Life will sometimes be hard—even brutal—and we must accept that. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. There is no guarantee of fairness or a gentle ride through life. Expecting otherwise leaves us in a fragile place. Resist the temptation to see yourself primarily as a victim or to take a seat at the smorgasbord of victimhood.
We have choices.
Paradoxically, seeing life as nothing more than a series of crises—and surrendering to whatever happens—is simply another form of fatalism. The mindset of "different day, same crap" is ultimately nihilistic, self-absorbed, and life-denying. Take responsibility. Grow up. Carry a load in your life. We cannot choose everything that happens to us, but we can choose how we think, how we respond, and who we become.
Life and our attitude towards it matter.
Simply turning up and letting life happen to you is not an option. Without purpose or direction, it is easy to drift from one immediate pleasure to the next, and over time life becomes arbitrary and both life and mental health can suffer. A clear vision for the future, together with a realistic plan, gives life direction and meaning.
If planning is difficult—or if you were never taught to set goals or be accountable—it may be worth finding a mentor or life coach. They need not be a permanent fixture in your life, and different mentors may serve you well at different stages. As a general rule of thumb, someone older, of the same gender, and with a proven record of wisdom and achievement can be an invaluable guide.
Move on from offence.
Be aware that people will often treat you as you allow them to. Don't make a habit of taking offence or becoming angry over every slight. When you do need to draw a boundary, deal with it promptly and directly - Refuse to ruminate on it. Say what needs to be said with calmness, clarity, and as few words as possible. Then walk away. There is an old saying: never salute your executioner—look them in the eye. In other words, don't hide behind nervous humour or soften what must be said. Speak plainly, say only what is necessary, and then move on. If you can, let the matter go. Tomorrow is another day.
Be aware of how drugs and alcohol affect you.
If alcohol or drugs leave you depressed, angry, or have ever compromised your safety or the safety of those around you, set clear personal boundaries about how much you use, when you use, and who you use with.
You don’t have to be agreeable to everyone you meet.
Being civil and polite is different from being nice or agreeable. You do not need to seek approval or agreement from everyone you meet. Instead, concentrate on listening, understanding, and responding with respect. Civility will preserve relationships and protect you in most situations.
Manners are not about pleasing everyone; they are about respecting others while maintaining your own integrity. When others lack manners or civility, that is their responsibility—not yours.
“If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything”
We live in a fragmented, postmodern world of competing beliefs and perspectives. The prevailing cultural message in Australia is often that everyone has their own truth, while in the same breath, it is believed that nothing can be accepted as absolute truth.
I like the saying, “If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.” It captures an important principle good for your mental health. Having convictions—and understanding why you hold them—provides stability and protects you from being swept along by every new idea or cultural trend that seeks to capture your attention and reshape your life.
Do not make major decisions during a crisis.
Avoid making significant decisions or choices—or risking your money, income, or relationships—in a time of crisis, or when you are overwhelmed by strong emotions. Anger, illness, grief, or even excessive excitement can distort judgment. Often the wisest response is silence: step away, get safe, seek perspective from people you trust, and return to the situation with a clear mind and a considered plan.
Family and friends matter.
Choosing to invest in relationships and maintain friendships is essential. Good friends and family members keep us grounded, on track, challenge us when we are acting foolishly, and help protect us from choices that work against our own interests. In the mental health space, they also provide perspective and stability.
Aristotle spoke of “friends of virtue”—people who genuinely seek our good and value truth in our lives. These are the friends who stand with us, challenge us when needed, and want the best for us.
Do not rely on your emotions alone.
Be aware of the language around you that suggests every event or situation is dramatic or life-changing. We all need time to think, process, and gain perspective. Feelings are important—we are not robots—but emotions should guide us rather than govern us. They are the trailer attached to the vehicle, not the vehicle itself. The vehicle must lead; the trailer follows.
Much of life involves finding our way back to stability after periods of disorientation. Yet social media and news often encourage the idea that life is a constant process of deconstruction and reconstruction, as though everything must be continually redefined.
Act your age.
Every stage of life brings its own experience, wisdom, and responsibilities. Accepting your age—and living in a way that is appropriate to it—can save a great deal of unnecessary regret and embarrassment, grief and shame.
Age is not something to deny or outrun. Despite what media, marketing, and cultural trends suggest, we are the age we are. A person in their 50s or 60s is biologically and medically different from someone in their 20s. Maturity means embracing that reality and responding to life with dignity.
The role of older generations is not to compete with youth or manipulate younger people, but to offer wisdom, experience, and guidance.
Imagination and what we repeatedly dwell on become part of our reality.
The imaginary conversations we have with imagined audiences can create anxiety, affect us physically, paralyse action and distort both our view of the future and our relationships in the present. Left unchecked, they can paralyse action and reinforce unnecessary fears.
Do not allow daydreaming or rumination to steal your life. You have limited hours in a day. Don’t waste them plotting or scheming to have vengeance on your enemies. If vindication is needed, a meaningful and successful life is the strongest response. Revenge fantasies consume precious energy that could be better invested in yourself and those you care about.
Be wise in the company you keep.
Avoid the company of those who are consistently angry, violent, or dishonest. Regardless of how polished, intelligent, or persuasive they may appear, their influence can shape your values, attitudes, and behaviour in ways you may not notice.
Your time is valuable, as are your relationships with family and friends. The voices we surround ourselves with help shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world.
